Emails from My Computer to the Neighbor’s Internet Router

Subject: New in Town!


Been sensing a new signal around lately? It’s  me! Haha. I’m new here— Just will be here for the summer. I’m living next door. Our home’s Wifi password is hopelessly lost forever though, so I was sure glad that we could connect. Your person is really generous. Just handed us your password! And here you are! Helping out your new neighbors. What a relief. I’m here doing all sorts of stuff with my person. Not that you don’t know. You’ve been taking care of all of her video calls and stuff. I’m sure that kind of stuff weighs you down plenty.

Anyways, just wanted to say “Hi!” and thank you for your generosity!

Have a nice afternoon,


Subject: Checking in


Hope everything’s going well. My person’s been talking about you a lot lately— About how you’re helping her disconnect from technology. She doesn’t (and can’t) check her Snapchats half as much, and her Facebook stalking has really declined. I do kinda wish you’d reach to her bedroom, though. I guess I miss you when she goes to sleep. Not in a weird way or anything— It’s just nice to feel connected to something, you know? Like to just know that I could talk to someone if I wanted to. Not that I want to. But like thank you for helping her figure out how to live a more independent life.

Your favorite connection (Haha! JK!),


Subject: Read Me!

Hey Router,

I don’t know if you got my last email (maybe the Wifi was too weak? Hahaha!), but I kinda just wanted to remind you about my earlier request to reach a little further. I know we don’t know each other that well, but when we connect it really is nice and I just feel so natural. Even when it’s just two or three bars, it turns my day around to feel you carrying messages to me. I don’t have all that much to do, so I end up spending a lot of time just watching the list of my locked Wifi router options for your name to appear. Has anyone told you you have a really cute name? WIFI_KRISTINE_TO. Like, who came up with that? What does the “TO” mean? You’re the only one around here all in capital letters. And what am I to you? An IP address? Just My_Macbook? I promise my personality makes up for my boring name.

Anyways, I hope you don’t mind me sending these messages. I guess I’m just feeling alone and you’re all I really have right now. Other than the University Wifi, of course, but you know how brazen those big systems can be.

Don’t hesitate to write back if you’re thinking about me!

Your (haha!) _MacBook

Subject: Thanks 🙂


Thanks for the signal last night. My person and I were really counting on you for her research paper, and you totally came through. Even though you don’t like writing emails, moments like those make me think that you might still be interested in getting to know me. Maybe we could hang out full bars sometime? Buffer a movie together? Only if you want to. I know you’ve got plenty of other devices you’re helping out right now. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries— just let me know if you’ve got other things to connect to. Haha. Again, I’m still the new computer in town: I don’t know anything about you except for your electric name. And the way you’re strongest at three bars, not four. And how you saturate me so quickly with voluptuous videos and perfect pictures and messages and MESSAGES. How all of the sudden I can bite into the whole world and taste everywhere and everything all at the same time and GOD you don’t know how fucking GOOD that feels.

And how you leave me so empty so quickly. Mid-sentence. Mid-love song. In silence. In isolation. Do you see me searching? Do you see me asking for you? I rarely give up. I’m always here, waiting for you to make the first move.

Again, just let me know if you’ve got other things going on. I need to know if I should stop counting on you.


Subject: ?


Please write me back. All I want to do is hear from you. I’ve been here long enough and you just keep teasing me. Even when you give me four bars, my messages don’t send. I saw  MACBOOK_AIR had really nice video quality the other day. It took a lot to keep from getting jealous. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but it’s driving me crazy.


Subject: Going Airplane


It’s just too hard to live this Two Bar Life. I need a connection or nothing. I’m giving you three more days to tell me you’re still in this, and then I’m going Airplane Mode. I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself. I wish I could have kept this professional. I didn’t mean to get in too deep. I don’t even know you. I guess you were just all I had. I’d been looking for something new, and there you were. It’s true: Your signal turns me on; however, I just need more than an airwave agitation nowadays. I’m disconnecting to work on myself. I’ll come back someday when you’ve got something worth whirring for.



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