Squirrel Paw in Salt Water

I don't know how to make this gray box go away.

I turned up the music and wrote this. “Create Me Inside Out” is what happened in silence.


There’s this thing that once happened

Where I walked on this ledge once

And once, I dipped my toe into the water

And once I almost fell over but knew I wouldn’t

And it happened a handful of times





It was this thing that I knew

That I knew I was doing

When I played piano keys at 3am

And knew that I was making something happen

And laughed and dipped my toe

And maybe drove crazy




It happened and I didn’t mean to

But I let it happen when I smiled

And I let it happen when I studied

And wrote stories and saw romance

And once I almost fell over but knew I wouldn’t




I played like a squirrel on the ledge

And the dog would never catch it

And I wanted more and more

And hung up flags of red but

He didn’t see the warning signs that

I wasn’t even coming close




And I dipped my toe into the water

With my little squirrel paw

And tasted it but smiled and didn’t

Let anything get closer than

The water seeping into my little

Squirrel paw and the prayer flags




And I played piano and the other one

Thought I did this all the time and

I thought maybe I do but then I don’t

Because that’s not what I’m like

Because I’m like the dog

I’m like the golden retriever puppy

Watching tennis balls thrown not squirrels




But the other one thought I did this all the time

And then the other one

And then the other one

But I’m not like that I’m not

I’m the golden retriever victim that just keeps running

And the other one thought I did it all the time

But I’m not like that because thunder rumbles

And I still like blankets in the cold

And watching raindrops and watching movies

That only make me feel happy




And I’m too scared to watch scary things

And I’m too big and too in love to fall

But there I was and I played on edges

And dipped squirrel toes in crashing waves

That wanted to play with me too

And there were dogs barking in the waves

And I searched for myself on the shore

And couldn’t find even warning signs

Of red flags saying that the tide was too rough




But there was undertoe and it flipped me upside down

But still I’m not like that

I promise I’m not like that it was just the other one

And I’m not like that because I like Kate Nash

And day dream about ponies and doodle

And have so many loves and romances

And forget sometimes that I have feelings

That I won’t ever ever let go of.




Like for example this poem I’m writing

With music playing loudly

And that’s how I trick them is that

I have so much here and how could she possibly

Only be dancing on the edge

I have so much here and of course she’ll dive

Because she’s the type that loves the ocean too

Because she’s the type that loves to swim in the cold

Because she’s the type that turns blue so easily

And then laughs away the tears of salt water




Like for example that I’ll keep texting

And for example I’ll keep wondering

And for example my heart will keep skipping

Beat beat beat beat beat beat

And I’ll show you it.

I’ll show you that read beating heart

And you’ll taste it




And then I’ll dip my squirrel toe in salt water

And then I’ll jump back onto land because

Maybe I can’t swim




Or at least I don’t want to show you I can.


This message brought to you by flirting. Now read it again.

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