I don't know how to make this gray box go away.
I turned up the music and wrote this. “Create Me Inside Out” is what happened in silence.
There’s this thing that once happened Where I walked on this ledge once And once, I dipped my toe into the water And once I almost fell over but knew I wouldn’t And it happened a handful of times It was this thing that I knew That I knew I was doing When I played piano keys at 3am And knew that I was making something happen And laughed and dipped my toe And maybe drove crazy It happened and I didn’t mean to But I let it happen when I smiled And I let it happen when I studied And wrote stories and saw romance And once I almost fell over but knew I wouldn’t I played like a squirrel on the ledge And the dog would never catch it And I wanted more and more And hung up flags of red but He didn’t see the warning signs that I wasn’t even coming close And I dipped my toe into the water With my little squirrel paw And tasted it but smiled and didn’t Let anything get closer than The water seeping into my little Squirrel paw and the prayer flags And I played piano and the other one Thought I did this all the time and I thought maybe I do but then I don’t Because that’s not what I’m like Because I’m like the dog I’m like the golden retriever puppy Watching tennis balls thrown not squirrels But the other one thought I did this all the time And then the other one And then the other one But I’m not like that I’m not I’m the golden retriever victim that just keeps running And the other one thought I did it all the time But I’m not like that because thunder rumbles And I still like blankets in the cold And watching raindrops and watching movies That only make me feel happy And I’m too scared to watch scary things And I’m too big and too in love to fall But there I was and I played on edges And dipped squirrel toes in crashing waves That wanted to play with me too And there were dogs barking in the waves And I searched for myself on the shore And couldn’t find even warning signs Of red flags saying that the tide was too rough But there was undertoe and it flipped me upside down But still I’m not like that I promise I’m not like that it was just the other one And I’m not like that because I like Kate Nash And day dream about ponies and doodle And have so many loves and romances And forget sometimes that I have feelings That I won’t ever ever let go of. Like for example this poem I’m writing With music playing loudly And that’s how I trick them is that I have so much here and how could she possibly Only be dancing on the edge I have so much here and of course she’ll dive Because she’s the type that loves the ocean too Because she’s the type that loves to swim in the cold Because she’s the type that turns blue so easily And then laughs away the tears of salt water Like for example that I’ll keep texting And for example I’ll keep wondering And for example my heart will keep skipping Beat beat beat beat beat beat And I’ll show you it. I’ll show you that read beating heart And you’ll taste it And then I’ll dip my squirrel toe in salt water And then I’ll jump back onto land because Maybe I can’t swim Or at least I don’t want to show you I can.
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