My Love Affair with This Cursor

Windows open and eyes closed, I lay dry fingers down on dark keys. One voice in my ear, and a little piano right behind. Lives pass on the street in a rumble of giggles and life.There’s always a destination, and these are off to a night of dark corners and sweat.

And I’m in my treehouse wondering how I feel. Just noticing that maybe something’s broken because his voice is making my brain buzz like the high pitches in subways in France that make the sensitive ears want to leave. My head feels lazy and my arms are too tired to type in this bed.

Here’s a list:

There’s gentle fragility that shakes the strength in my body
There’s the subthought that I never liked electric guitar
There’s chipping fingernail polish
There are two strings around my wrist that used to be four
There are two strings around my wrist that kept holding on
There are two strings around my wrist that I’m okay keeping
There’s a watch I tried to get rid of but couldn’t
There are cold toes in messy sheets
There are messages to stop caring about
There are songs you never knew but skip anyways
There’s a unpuzzable heart
There are hopes for a night that blow in through the window
There’s the taste of apple cider posterity
There are too many people
There are too many people
There’s cold and warm at the same time
There’s wondering through the walls
There’s the want to knock and whisper through the crack
There’s the want to not want to
There’s an appreciation for this
Because when the whole day is spent thinking about other people
And what they’re thinking about you
A cursor on a computer page is listening
And it follows every word.
Dancing with your backtracks, and rushing ahead just as it gets interesting.
It doesn’t mind your pauses.
It gives you time with no expectation.

As high heels pace sidewalks and slip through too many hugs
I’m starting a love affair with this cursor tonight
Because it didn’t ask for me to be here
But now I’m here it can’t be anywhere else and doesn’t want to be.
I can play through spacebars all night long
And it lives in silence, but waits at the end of it all
Just in case I want to begin again.

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